Pornography, Is It Extramarital Sex?
While research shows that there are women who enjoy watching pornography as much as some men, there are many more women, those who are married or in relationships, who are outraged by their husbands' viewing this material. Is their reaction warranted by something that appears, at first glance, to be harmless? Before going any further, it's important to state that many people do not consider this to be harmless. In it they see the objectivization of women, exploitation of girls, teenagers and even children, and the crude acceptance of violence directed at women.
The answer to how women feel about their partner watching porn depends upon a number of factors. For example, there are those couples who use explicit materials to enhance sexual excitement prior to sex. In addition, there are women who do not see pornography as a problem at all and do not mind watching leisurely and on their own. However, there are many more women who have very negative reactions to their partners viewing sexually explicit materials, whether on the internet or in magazines. Of course, by far, the internet accounts for most porn watching behavior.
Among the negative reactions to this sexual behavior are betrayal, hurt, rejection and anger.
Because much of the viewing of porn is done in secret, women tend to react with a sense of shock and dismay. Part of this dismay is the fact that these men masturbate after watching porn and that leaves their partners out of the equation.
Hurt and rejection often stem from the fact that these women feel that they are not sexy enough or attractive enough for their men. Many report that it feels as though their husband is having an illicit affair. In one case a husband took pornography to the next level by going to the websites where men can start a dialogue with the porno performers and even meet for illicit sex. While, in this case, it never went that far, it came close. What stopped it was that his wife discovered Emails between this woman and her husband. The Emails were erotic in tone and could most certainly have led to sex. Of course, he denied the seriousness of his behavior until she got him to enter marriage therapy. Dr. Schwartz also provides counseling for this. He can be contacted at [email protected]
In one blog, the point is made that the secrecy that surrounds those men who use pornography creates an atmosphere that promotes the idea of infidelity. The secrecy keeps the man's wife out of a part of his life, particularly if he views it and masturbates several time per week and for extended amounts of time.
The main point is that, in the context of marriage or a committed relationship, porn is not just harmless fun. The consequences can be almost as serious as having an illicit affair, at least in some cases. Interestingly, some men are fearful of admitting to the wives that they use porn because of an angry and disapproving reaction.
Is your marriage or relationship in trouble due to pornography? Help is available in the form of individual and couples counseling. Please contact Dr. Schwartz at: [email protected] or via telephone: 720-470-2028.
http://www.allanschwartztherapy.com