The Tragedy of Domestic Violence

Case Study:

Many years ago, when I was writing for Mentalhelp.net I received an anonymous Email, from a woman asking for advice about the following situation:

She married a divorced man who had three children from his previous marriage. She then had a child of her own with her husband. Soon after the marriage she discovered that this man was abusive and pathologically jealous. His jealousy was paranoid because she gave him no reason to suspect her of having an affair. In fits of rage he would put his hands around her neck and start to choke her. If that was not bad enough, he threatened that, if she ever left him he would hurt her family and friends. Of course, she was terrified. In her Email, she was asked what to do.

She was advised to take her children, go to a shelter, report him to the police and take whatever legal route was necessary to protect her, children and her family. Because this was anonymous it was never know what happened in this situation.

The tragedy of this story is that it happens all too often.

The Facts:

Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. It is often described as intimate partner violence, battering, relationship abuse, spousal abuse or family violence. Included in this definition is the use of verbal or emotional abuse used to destroy the dignity of another person. Abusers use guilt and shame in order to wear their victim down.

According to government statistics, one in four women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime. In addition, three million physical assaults are on male victims. More than 60% of cases of domestic violence occur at home between the hours of 6 PM and 6 AM. These statistics are inaccurate because most cases are never recorded. For example, according to HealthDay News, colleges and universities vastly under-report cases of sexual assault on campus. Then, too, many victims do not come forward to make a police report.

In order to report a case you can call the: National Domestic Violence Hot line at:

1-800-799-7233,   http://thehotline.org

In my experience as a psychotherapist I have, over the years, observed that many people who are abused are not aware of the fact of their abuse. Only after explaining it to them do they respond with surprise and understanding. It is very possible that this is a defense mechanism much like that experienced by those who suffer from PTSD. In other words they go through what is called depersonalization in which their sense of reality is altered whenever they are stressed. In any case, the sudden realization of what happened to them opens up all of the powerful emotions they have been hiding from themselves.

Consequences of Domestic Violence:

"n addition to the financial and social adjustment difficulties that are often associated with removing one's self from an ongoing abuse situation, survivors of domestic violence or rape can develop emotional and psychological concerns that last well after the physical injuries have healed. Memories of victimization may be overwhelming, and return again and again, unbidden, to torture the victim long after actual victimization has passed. Victimization removes any illusion of safety that victims might have previously enjoyed. Self esteem and self-worth may have been damaged as well. Physical assaults may also have resulted in disfigurement or lingering chronic pain." http://www.mentalhelp.net

In addition, survivors experience overwhelming feeling of shame, humiliation and even self-blame because the incorrectly believe it was their own fault that it happened.

It must be pointed out that, even in the context of marriage, forced sexual relations are considered violence.

The survivors of domestic violence often need psychological help. It's available. Please contact Dr. Schwartz at: [email protected] or via phone at: 720-470-2028.

http://www.allanschwartztherapy.com