Survivors of Child Abuse and the Need to Divorce Mom and the Family

There are many articles that appear on the Internet about the narcissist and the harm he causes. There is no doubt that these are valid and important posts. However, there is an assumption or implication made that the narcissist and abuser are men. What is shocking is to read explore the number of books published by the survivors of abuse at the hands of their mothers. These are mothers who are either narcissists, borderline personality disordered people or survivors of child abuse who are repeating the same pattern they experienced as children. Alcoholism and drug abuse is an underlying theme in many but not all of these cases.

It is taken for granted, even held as sacred that mom has unconditional love for all of her children. It is shocking to discover the fact that there are women who hate and harm their children. One such autobiographical book is "Mother I Don't Forgive You," by Nancy Richards. This is the horrific true story of a child who, along with her brothers, was beaten, cursed, scarred and physically and emotionally assaulted beyond comprehension. In fact, anytime Ms. Richards attempted to report what was happening at her home she was told to stop provoking her mother and behave herself.

(Help is available. Contact Dr. Schwartz at [email protected])

Ms. Richards discusses the fact that there is a belief that we must forgive the abuser. However, her mother continued her abusive way well into her adulthood,  blaming her for all of the problems of the family and for her own behavior. Ms. Richards is a good example of the scapegoated child, an article I published some time ago.

As a result of long and arduous psychotherapy, Ms. Richards divorced her mom. That was the only way she could save herself. Even her brothers blamed her for everything that happened. Out of necessity, the divorce included her brothers and the entire family. She discovered that she did not cause her mother's cruel behavior and that she was not at fault.

It was extremely difficult for Ms. Richards to do this because she so desperately needed and wanted her mother's love. In fact, that is what all of us want, deserve and get without having to ask.

Anyone who survived child abuse, male or female, is welcome to reach out for help. Contact Dr. Schwartz at [email protected]